Sleeping with Buddha
The need for mind and body connectedness in sex has prompted some new liasons. At the University of British Columbia, sex researcher and therapist Lori Brotto is encouraging women to bring Buddha into bed with them. “We know a desynchrony exists where the genitals are doing one thing and the mind another, and this has a bearing on sexual response. So if we can teach women to bridge the gap between mind and body” by cultivating mindfulness, she says, “we should be able to improve that response.”
Mindfulness also has its benefits for men, Brotto notes, but might be especially pertinent for the distractibility women experience. Women relearn to appreciate their body and its capacity for sensual pleasure.
In the Journal of Sexual Medicine, Brotto reported that 150 women experienced higher levels of sexual after being trainer in her 4-step program of mindfulness specifically geared to enhancing sexual pleasure. Tested in the lab while watching erotic videos, the women reported feeling more lubricated, even though there was no measurable increase in lubrication from watching such videos before training. The results suggest the women had become aware of their genital lubrication.
It turns out the the surest approach to problems of desire in women is something no pill can do. It’s bringing the mind in synchrony with the body. And that has benefits for women that go way beyond the bedroom.
Lori Brotto has devised and tested a program to increase sexual responsiveness in women with sexual complaints, including low desire. A major component draws in Buddhist principles of mindfulness to reconnect the mind with the body’s sensations.
Women first learn the basics of mindfulness in a nonsexual context. The goal is to guide the mind back to the present whenever distracting thoughts arise. Using an object like a penny or a raisin, slowly explore the way it feels, looks, smells, tastes. When your mind starts to wander, gently guide it back to focus on the object. Practice this exercise 10 minutes a day while engaged in some activity, like walking, eating a meal, or washing the dishes. You can also practice a more traditional meditation: Close your eyes, remain silent and focus simply on your breath.
Next, women learn to examine their bodies in a nonsexual way without generating distress. The aim is to lessen distractions by judgment of physical appearance during sex. Look at your body while showering, bathing or drying yourself. Notice when judgments arise and guide your mind back to just looking at your body. Repeat the exercise next using a hand-held mirror to look at your body and genitals. Then touch your body and genitals in a nonsexual manner while being aware of judgments and guiding attention back to what you are doing.
Women repeat the body-focused exercise, but this time, with a shift in sexual attitude. The goal is to help women change the way they look at their body and enjoy sensations in a sexual way. Tell yourself that “my body is sexual,” “I am a sexual person,” “I enjoy my sexuality,” repeat the mindfulness exercise from the previous one.
Last, women learn to connect bodily arousal and emotional pleasure. Use a vibrator, look at erotica or fantasize about sex to deliberately arouse your body. Stop about after five minutes. Then perform a mindfulness exercise to fully tune into the sensations.
Photo by Rennett Stowe
